bicycling
16. Oktober, 15:25 Uhr
I just got married to an amazing, bold, and adventurous woman. For our trip we decided to go to a resort in another country where daily excursions were the big thing. Horseback riding through the countryside? The horse does all the work. Bus tour? Nothing to worry about.
Then came biking through the mountains.
I will admit to these things: I cannot sing, I cannot dance and don't out of self consciousness, and I don't have the athleticism or coordination for sports. But somehow my worthless piece of shit self decided I had the confidence to go mountain biking. I should have walked or better yet sat alone in our room in the resort, it would have been easier.
So they shuttle us hours out into the bush and hills, up several thousand feet of steep mountainsides, and plunk about thirty tourists in front of a fleet of something you guys seem to like a lot. Why you like bikes is a mystery to me. To me they are a machine made by Satan to punish me. My version of hell is an endless repeating loop of what happened next.
I fell in the first three seconds of touching a bike. Then I ran into another person in the next attempt, then into a tree, then another person, and even after the tour guides put me fifty feet from anyone else I still couldn't go more than ten feet without falling or hitting something. People started getting mad at me for holding everyone up for so long, the ones that didn't were all shouting the same crappy advice or platitudes like a little kid. Eventually the tour guides told me to get off and go sit in the truck following us after the sixth time almost going off a literal fucking cliff. I didn't get to see anything or experience anything, I wasted all this money to sit in a truck bed and try not to sob in shame, and I humiliated myself and my poor wife in front of dozens of strangers all because I can't do something children a fraction of my age can do without thought. I kept telling my wife after we rejoined about how sorry I was for screwing up our honeymoon, but she couldn't even look at me out of embarrassment.
I start shaking every time I think about that stupid trip. I've tried for twenty five years to conquer this stupid thing and the best I can do is a few hundred feet in a wobbly line on flat ground. It has been one of the biggest insecurities of my life and every time I try I screw up.
Every other sub I've tried to talk about this on removed my post or flat out ignored me. I needed to talk about this and I didn't know where else to go.
EDIT: there was no peddling allowed, this was solely coasting downhill on a paved road.
