bicycling
21. Dezember, 17:33 Uhr
https://preview.redd.it/65ulm708ea7a1.jpg?width=3840&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0f726907b5f29988e416fb907ba04781cf1c9931
Where I grew up, people look at you funny if you're outside. If you're not in a car or a house or a building, or on your own property, you get the side-eye. People assume you are without a home, (bless your heart and God forbid), or otherwise to be avoided.
Needless to say I didn't grow up biking. The roads there aren't build for that. If you try to use them anyway, you risk harassment and bodily harm.
I moved away to my college town. I bought a bike. The bike was stolen despite a U-lock. I bought another bike, and this time I double-locked it inside a locked garage. It got stolen too.
I met a guy who lived in another state. When I visited him, he told me he wanted to show me his town, but this college student didn't have a car. We took his bike and a borrowed one, and went for a ride.
When I struggled to bike up a hill, he berated me. I had what I now understand was a panic attack. I thought I was scared of biking. A few months later, he was out of the picture, but the fear of bikes remained.
I moved out of the state. I met another guy. This one worked for an organization that, in part, built mountain bike trails. I visited him at a work event one day, and despite my fear and hesitation, was talked into a beginners ride on a demo bike. He had to work, so off I went with new acquaintances, all of which seemed much more comfortable on a bike than I felt.
I don't know who decided it was a beginner ride. On the fourth tight switchback of eight, I endo'd down the next two. Trying to calm my panicked breathing, I walked down the rest of them. At the bottom, the narrow trail contoured along a steep, sandy hillside a hundred feet above a raging river. I walked my bike back to the car.
The guy found me and apologized. He asked what he could do to make up for it. "Maybe I could, like, paint your toes all the colors of the rainbow?" I laughed in spite of my self and through the tears. We're married now.
I decided bikes weren't for me. I avoided them for years, and when I thought about biking or talked about biking, I felt the panic coming back.
In grad school, parking was scarce at the college, but it was a short, easy bike ride. I decided to try again. I bought an old spray-painted black bike for $50 and started by walking the route. Then I biked there. The familiarity helped. I started biking other places too.
After school, I moved to a town with a thriving mountain bike scene. I bought a cheap mountain bike and rode flat gravel paths. Then I road flat single-track. Gradually, I worked my way up to intermediate trails. My throat no longer threatened to close when I thought about biking.
My job offered a two-month sabbatical after seven years, and my husband and I talked about what we wanted to do with this time. He needs constant movement, and I had spent time in Turkey in college and always wanted to explore more. We decided a bike tour was a good compromise.
So this spring, he took a leave of absence and we set out on a two-month bike tour of Turkey. We started on the western coast and biked to the borders of Syria, Iran, and Armenia. We saw the remnants of ancient civilizations and glittering modern cities, tasted delicious food, explored mountains and forests and canyons, and met many kind and generous people. Bike touring is such a unique and rich way of traveling. I loved it.
When I came back, I biked from my house to the grocery store one day. It felt completely normal. I got my groceries, loaded them up in the panniers, and biked the three miles home again.
All of a sudden, I remembered the feeling of my throat closing up and the panic from years before. At that moment, I was so grateful for everything that had led me to this point, and just for the ability to go for a ride.
\*\*\*\*
Thanks for reading this. It's something I've been thinking about a lot lately, as the weather turns bad and I can't bike as much.
If you want to learn more about our bike tour, [we're making videos of the trip and posting them here.](https://www.youtube.com/@slow_spokes)