cycling
16. April, 14:23 Uhr
Dear /r/cycling,
I'm angry. Two months ago, I bought a bike, visions of being ~~Lance Armstrong~~ ~~Alberto Contador~~ Bradley Wiggins by the start of summer. Obviously, this was not going to happen given my somewhat fat, iceberg like size.
I'm not angry about that though. That was never going to happen and I know that, I'm much better at watching the Tour de France on telly than even thinking about giving a race a go! What I'm angry about is myself, and how I'm letting myself down.
It's as much jealousy as anything. I see posts like the ones made byn/u/makesalotofpancakes and /u/deityfalkor at the top of the all time page, and I get dead motivated and inspired and decide today will be the day that I climb my own Mont Ventoux, and I set off.
Now, no disrespect to the guys above, and I'm seriously in awe of their achievements, more so after my own feeble efforts. I'm 5'11", 203lbs, and my body fat is probably ~30%. On paper, surely I should be able to cycle 60 miles, averaging 13mph, or bash out a 10 mile ride with ease.
Yet I can't. I do one 2.2 mile loop of the city common in ~15 minutes, and I feel like death every lap. I can't drink when I'm out because when I do,I either throw it straight back up again or feel like I'm about to. I hate it, and it's beginning to make me hate cycling.
Today I decided to load up some calories in the morning, not eat for 4 hours, and then go and do 40 miles, and grin and bear whatever came my way. 6 miles in, I felt the roughest I've felt in a long time, 8 miles in and I was hiding in the bushes, barfing up a lung, like Ferris Bueller or something.
I gave up and went home after that, embarrassed, ashamed, and completely loathing myself.
This is not a call for sympathy, or for a pat on the shoulder. I'm just so f****** frustrated and disappointed and angry with myself and my body for not being able to do what others are doing. What am I doing wrong? This feels like it should be easy, but it's not. Am I being unrealistic? I don't know.
So why is all this good thing? Well, because no matter how bad today has been, I'll be back on the bike on monday, using my day off to full advantage to try and reach that 40 mile target, come rain or shine. I'm usually fairly passive, but the fact I've gotten so worked up over this is a good thing in a way I think, because hopefully it means I get better at it, instead of chucking it away and going back to sitting on the sofa all day. When the Tour de France 2017 edition is on the telly, I don't want to just be watching it. I want to be out on my bike, winning my own races in my own mind. Sure I'll never be Bradley Wiggins, but I can at least be a bloke that can ride a bike without dying everytime.
Thanks if you've bothered to read my long and messy train of thought. Again, I admire those guys massively for what they've achieved/are achieving, and I'm not trying to slam them for it in any way.
Tom
**TL;DR** A fat shit trying to fix that shit, but not making the progress he wants